Sunday, 4 September 2011

Building Blocks of Self-Esteem

One of the fundamental factors in having substantial happiness in our lives is taking care of our self-esteem.

According to Dr B. Bodenhamer, the are 3 main building blocks for Self-Esteem:

1) Self-Acceptance

Self-Acceptance means accepting and loving yourself for who you are AS YOU ARE while acknowledging the strengths and weaknesses that you have. Separation of Identity from Behaviour, Skills or even Lack of Skills.

What I'd like to add here is that this element seems to be more complex than the other 2. The reason is that Our Childhood plays an important role in shaping our subconscious and automatic thoughts and feelings with regard to self-acceptance.

Did you receive Unconditional Love in childhood from whom were important to you? don't worry if you didn't. You're not alone; many didn't either!

There were expectations from us to behave or say things in certain ways from:
  • Our parents
  • People who were important to us e.g. a school teacher, family
  • The society in which we were grown up
  • Religion
  • Our school
  • Even ourselves
What happened if we did not meet those expectations? Have we lost, whether temporarily or permanently, the Unconditional Love that we deserved in our childhood? if so, that could hugely impact our subconscious self-acceptance now and consequently our self-esteem.

The Good News is that Reverse Engineering can work as good as Direct Engineering! What do I mean? if this is not natural/automatic for you for any realistic or unrealistic reason e.g. childhood lack of unconditional love and support, this element can be developed like any other skill.

2 main ingredients which help speeding up this development are:
  1. Self-awareness; which helps identifying and being conscious about our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, memories from the past that come to mind subconsciously.
  2. Once you're self-aware, then practice loving and accepting yourself as you are and unconditionally; simply because you are a Human Being and You Deserve it! separate your identity from the behaviour. Practice makes it a habit.
Why identity should be separated from behaviour?
Because identity consists of so many things and is way above 1 behaviour. It's like an ocean to a drop! our identity consists of our core beliefs, past experiences and skills, language, collection of so many different behaviours, potential for growth and success, creativity, values and so many endless great characteristics!

2) Self-Appreciation

Appreciating yourself for all the life/everyday achievements and skills you already have; seeing and remembering them.

3) Self-Awe (your potential)

Seeing and acknowledging your range of potential to change for better, achieving your goals, developing new skills and improving existing skills.

Hope these tips help building up your self-esteem and happiness and making the world a better place.